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Ok explain how I can buy a few kg of gold (the real thing, not a paper stating that I own it), then go to Switzerland or Caymans and lock it inside a safe box of which only I have the keys and I can access any time I want.
The only thing that I can possibly say to such a remark is that you are completely clueless. I say that not as an insult, but as a matter of fact. Google is your friend (at least in your case). I am not going to give a broad tutorial, just pose a question: you actually believe that in an age of internet banking and crypto currency that you must transport your own gold -- or even yourself -- to a foreign vault to store precious metals (either segregated or unsegregated)? Century-old Swiss companies have adapted to the computer age.

In fact, if you have enough money you can buy physical gold on the futures market (at least in the U.S.), pay little or no premium (unlike the huge premiums on coins), and have it all transported from a vault in the U.S. to a vault almost anywhere in the world. You can choose either segregated or unsegregated storage. And you don't need to leave your home to do it. If you have less money, you must pay premiums but the process is even easier. You can even have your PMs transferred to a vault in a free zone at an airport.
 
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The only thing that I can possibly say to such a remark is that you are completely clueless. I say that not as an insult, but as a matter of fact. Google is your friend (at least in your case). I am not going to give a broad tutorial, just pose a question: you actually believe that in an age of internet banking and crypto currency that you must transport your own gold -- or even yourself -- to a foreign vault to store precious metals (either segregated or unsegregated)? Century-old Swiss companies have adapted to the computer age.

In fact, if you have enough money you can buy physical gold on the futures market (at least in the U.S.), pay little or no premium (unlike the huge premiums on coins), and have it all transported from a vault in the U.S. to a vault almost anywhere in the world. You can choose either segregated or unsegregated storage. And you don't need to leave your home to do it. If you have less money, you must pay premiums but the process is even easier. You can even have your PMs transferred to a vault in a free zone at an airport.
I am not talking about fantasy scenario. I would like to see a concrete step by step guide on how to do what I asked: buy some kg of physical AU and store it in a safe box of which only I have the key and that can be accessible at any time.

I am not interested in ownership certificates, custody, financial contracts etc. I want my gold to be 100% mine at available at any time in physical form without having to ask permission to anyone.
 
I am not talking about fantasy scenario.
Everything that I told you was true. No fantasy involved. The only fantasy is your unwillingness to believe what almost everyone in the offshore PM world already knows to be true. I have already told you, there are vaults located all over the world. You can visit them, if you like. Or you can not visit them and simply ship your gold there. Some vaults are open seven days a week, 24-hours a day. Of course, employees and guards must be there. What good is an unguarded vault company?